I know that most people I know have very full and busy lives, and my life is no fuller or busier than anyone elses...BUT...life have been CRAZY the last two months!!! I feel as though the only way I get through the day is to make a zillion to-do lists, check tasks off as I go, and then add everything else I did to the list at the end of the day and check those off too in order to feel more accomplished. A few things that have made it on the lists lately: move out of our house, put our house up for rent and for sale, recover from stupid-unsuccessful surgery, say good-bye to Ryan, be patient with my boys, tackle some school work, go to San Francisco to help Ryan find us a place to live, move into Gramma's house (she's an angel), get taxes ready to go, give up mochas (again), exercise, breath.
So, to stay true to the way life is right now, I am going to do this blog post in list form. This means it is random, unorganized, and just a feeble attempt to let you all know that I love blogging and I miss it and I have had a few thoughts lately.
- I am going to a writing conference today at George Fox University.
- I am so excited about the writing conference, but it also makes me feel super guilty about not blogging.
- This blog, though not my most thought-out, is assuaging that guilt and making me super happy...because I really do love writing!
- I miss my husband desperately. I have realized that I use him as a defense against the sadness that creeps in when I'm left to my thoughts for too long. March is a particularly hard month for me, and not having him near has made it harder. Also, I really like him.
- God is good and present even in the mundane and the busy stretches of life. After eighteen months of super dramatic twists and turns, sometimes I find myself despairing more over having to prepare my taxes than I did over having to do chemo. When I was in the fight for my life, I was much better at turning my worries over to God. I am learning that he still wants me to hand over each step of my day. I want to look at each worry as an opportunity to trust, each anxiety as an opportunity to banish fear from my way of thinking.
- I should put that last one on a to-do list:-)
- God is a fabulous story teller. Not all of you know this, but my family has been crazy about Disney since I was a little girl. This spring break, we are going on our 10th family Disneyland trip! While I am daily conflicted about leaving my community in Klamath, I am so touched by God's thoughtfulness in placing Ryan in a job at Disney. Any job would have been a blessing, but this is such a beautiful next step in the plot of my family's lives.
- Once again, I am so thankful for healing and for wrapping up more and more of the cancer chapter. This last Monday, I finished my last herceptin treatment. No more infusions in this girl's future! God has sustained me through regular infusions since August 2012...Wow!
- I am truly thankful for my life. It is busy right now and there are things I would change if it were up to me. But ultimately, I am so glad that it is not up to me. My life is heavy with blessings, and I wouldn't want to risk loosing any of those blessings in order to have a little less stress. Because one thing that has proven true over and over and over and OVER in my life, is that the blessings, stress, sadness, joy, peace, fun, excitement, adventure, grief, and to-do lists always happen all at once.
May the jumble of your lives be blessed. May your blessings far outweigh your struggles. And may to-do lists save your sanity:-)
P.S. I can now cross off "write blog" of my to-do list!